If you live in the D.C. area and are a die-hardfan of the Black-and-Red (as you undoubtedly are if you're reading this),there's at least one person in your social circle that fits the following description:
A non-soccer fan friend who, despite thisobvious flaw, remains in your life.
With three home matches scheduled over the nexttwelve days, late May is the perfect time for a conversion. To that end, we offer up a few tips forconvincing the as of yet unregistered members of Olsen's Army in your midst tojoin us for an evening at RFK.
1) ACTION
So your friend moans that there are no goals insoccer, therefore it's boring. Ifthey say this you come at them like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, becausethey are "Erroneous!" on both counts.
D.C. scores, and often too, as theBlack-and-Red are one of just three teams in the league that have already hitthe twenty-goal mark. United'slast five matches have seen an average of over four goals per game. That's more scoring than the 2-1scorelines that defined the recent Caps-Rangers NHL playoff series, and wasn'tthat pretty exciting?
2) SEX APPEAL
Gentlemen, this is for the ladies in yourlife. Soccer ladies, this is foryour friends.
I once sat between my mom and girlfriend asthey literally wrestled over binoculars while awaiting David Beckham'ssignature post-match shirt toss at RFK. Sure it was awkward, but it got them in them in the stands. It's called taking one for the team.
While Becks won't be making an appearance atRFK this season, D.C. has its own cast of 'lookers'. Chris Pontius' abs have been featured on nearly everyWashington area media outlet other than Meet The Press and word has it thatDavid Gregory is losing sleep trying to remedy the obvious oversight. If your girl is into hair, a front rowsideline seat will give her the perfect view of Nick DeLeon's mane as heterrorizes defenders. Everybodygoes home satisfied.
3) "BEVERAGES"
$5 Bud Lights. $8 Bottomless Popcorn.
Those are the deals on Wednesday night whenD.C. welcomes Colorado to town. Sounds like a pretty good happy hour pitch to all those coworkers you'realways telling to chill out.
Plus, there's RFK's always-diverse foodselection. You know what they say…a Carne Asada/Funnel Cake/Dippin Dots a day keeps the doctor away.
Editor's Note: These claims have not beenevaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. Or anyone else.
4) PATRIOTISM
Got a friend from a foreign place? If you live in D.C. - and have friends- the answer is most likely yes. What better way to connect your pal to their new hometown than by takingthem to a Washington event where their native land is likely represented.
A grand total of 27 different nationalities,from five different continents, will be accounted for between United's rosterand the three teams slated to visit RFK in the coming weeks. If your buddies are more the "Main Street & Apple Pie" type, we've got them covered too. Six players on D.C.'s current team have worn the Red, White and Blue in international competition.
That's my list for how to get the soccer rube in your life out toRFK. But did I leave anything out? Letme know on twitter @SebiSalazar.
